For a very long time, I wanted to talk to you about self-esteem and how I tried to raise it. Now, normally, if you have a low self-esteem, you will search for it and try to find the perfect solution for you. In my case, those searches were in vain. What they did, was not to raise my level of self-esteem but to maintain it. And that was not something I wished for. Not even close.
So, I tried one advice after another, quote after quote, tons of articles, and so on. Neither of them was good enough to make me give up on my pajamas, stand up, and start a new day with bright new forces. It was a failure and the worst part was that I was aware of the situation, and it was even harder to turn the tables.
Now that I look back, I am glad I went through those stages. If I wouldn’t live those moments, probably my self-esteem would’ve been the way it is today. How did I succeed? Not as easy as everyone says it is. But I found a way out, a path I created on my own by following 3 rules, same I am following today.
- Do not compare yourself with others! I always did that, always compared myself with another person, with other situations. Stopping this, I think it was the hardest thing ever. I saw flaws on myself every day, flaws I haven’t seen on other persons. But what I never noticed about myself, were the good parts. By not comparing I was able to see myself first, to accept my every failure, but also to realize the things I am good at. It was a balance between what I can do and what I cannot. But it was all about me without another person being implied. And it felt much better because I realized most of my flaws weren’t solid enough, and some of them were just imagined by my sick mind.
- See yourself as you are and accept compliments but critics also! Most self-esteem problems start from the way you look. One of the articles I’ve read was presenting an exercise in the mirror: “Look in the mirror and see the way you are, see your beauty”. Well, hell, I’ve seen all my imperfections and nothing beautiful enough to raise my self-esteem. What they didn’t teach me was that I do not need a mirror to see my beauty. If I will do it, that means I am putting my look beyond my true self. Beauty is a thing which will pass when you’re getting older. But what remains is your true self and the only mirror in which you can see your soul is you. I know now that my sarcasm will melt few hearts in this world, although I do not have the perfect body. Also, not listening to what other say was not a good thing for me. Those critics made me work harder, made me realize I have to make some improvements, and so on. By ignoring them, made me stay at the same level as before. I chose to listen to them and change the ones I can. And with every achieve I had, my self-esteem was higher. When I had a failure, I tried again, this time with knowledge of what happened the last time.
- Let others love you if your self-love is insufficient! When you have a low self-esteem you tend to push other people away. At the beginning of my current relationship, I wondered what did that man saw in me. I am not perfect, I do not have the most amazing body, and sometimes I think more like a child than a grown ass human. I was also afraid of asking the one next to me, even my friends. I was aware that I am a cold person even with myself, that I have flaws, defects, that I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but there was a thing that kept beautiful persons next to me and still is. What I decided to do, is let them be a part of my life, and accept the fact they are there, not because they have nothing else to do, but because something about me is, indeed, lovely (more or less). There was a person who thought I was worth it, so if someone saw that in me, I had to see it myself too. (Although I do now know that I am not that bad, I still didn’t put that question to anyone.)
Those were and still are my golden rules. It wasn’t easy, wasn’t a schedule I followed, or a weird program. But those 3 lines counted more than everything I found on the Internet. My advice for those who have this kind of troubles is to search and create their own rules by molding them on their needs. Not all you read, listen to, or see, will work on you. And most of all, the changes won’t appear overnight. Find your own path, your own way. Find yourself!